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Nervous Breakdown? Do you feel like you can’t take much more as a parent and feel like you are self- destructing? I hate screaming at my kids, but they make me so crazy, and I just lose it!” — If this sounds like you, trust me, you’re not alone. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard parents say this on the Parental Support Line. By the teen years, your child is probably an expert! Many parents fall into the screamer role when they start taking their child’s behavior personally. While that’s very easy to do, it really goes against what you want to accomplish. And parents often magnify this by adopting an outlook that the behavior isn’t fair or right. This can sound like, “I do so much for my child, why can’t they just do what I’m asking?,” or “It won’t take them much time to do this, so what’s with the horrible attitude!” Parents who personalize behavior don’t think it’s right for a child to have a poor attitude when they’re being told to do something. That’s the thing with personalizing your child’s behavior: somehow you make it about what you’re doing as a parent or the values you hold as a person. You take your child’s choices and directly tie them into your own skills as a parent or your worth as an individual.
What’s important to realize is that being a screamer is ineffective because it’s extremely destructive to your parental authority. If you’re yelling, throwing things, slamming things, or name-calling, then your child is getting the message that no one is control. The flip side of this type of behavior is the silent treatment. You may be avoiding your child and refusing to communicate with them because you’re angry and want to show them that you’re hurt or mad. Just like your child may have a low tolerance for frustration, you may be learning that as a parent, you have a low threshold for experiencing anxiety and frustration. But I think it’s vital to share with your child — verbally — that you you are frustrated when your child behaves a certain way. It’s not necessary to scream or ‘shut off’ your feelings when it comes to parenting struggles. An error that some parents fall prey to is thinking that if you share how tired, angry, frustrated, or confused you are then your child will change their behavior out of empathy. Not so. James Lehman emphasizes that the most effective way to get the behavior to change is to teach your child the skills they need to be successful. Expecting that your child will change either out of gratitude for your parenting efforts, or because they see you struggling is setting yourself up for disappointment. That feeling will just complicate the emotions you’re already experiencing.
Instead, try sharing with your child how their behavior affects you and your ability to help them solve their problems differently; the simple act of putting a voice to how you’re feeling can help to take quite a bit of steam out of emotions so they don’t crescendo to a fevered pitch.
If you’re viewing your child’s behavior as a personal attack, you will most likely respond to the situation and behavior by retaliating and fighting back. Whether or not you think it’s right or fair, the reality is that your child is acting out. Fighting back only takes you further away from the original problem and how to help your child solve it. The best way to combat personalizing behavior is to develop a positive way to talk to yourself — and a plan for dealing with the behavior. Try coming up with a list of things you could say to yourself when you’re frustrated or anxious about what’s going on with your child. That could be, “I’m working really hard at this and I can get my point across without fighting,” or “This is not about me being a failure as a parent. My child just needs more practice at this.” Remind yourself that you can take some time to yourself to calm down before you deal with a situation!!!! It’s okay to leave the situation and take some space. It doesn’t mean you lose, it just means you have to cool off so that you can communicate effectively and prevent it from turning into “who’s going to win this fight” instead of asking your child “How are you going to solve the problem differently next time?”
Duval County assistance programs.
Assistance from the Northeast Florida Community Action Agency in Duval County This community action agency provides grants and other assistance to help struggling families. They have helped thousands of families so far this year. Community action agencies have a goal of providing short term help to keep families on their feet, while also offering support to ensure individuals and families are self sufficient. Some of the assistance provided to Duval county and Jacksonville families includes:
Other programs are also offered. Call the Northeast Florida Community Action Agency at (904) 398-7472.
There are several local clinics in the Jacksonville area that offer provide free doctors visits and free medications for children, their families, and adults. Two are listed below. Or find more Duval County clinics.
These clinics treat people of all income. They don’t audit you! You just need identification. They treat with who have no health insurance, or that are underinsured, and even people who have insurance can get help. The clinics also have a free medication program and provide prescriptions. In addition, if you have already run out some medical bills, find how to get medical assistance in Florida.
Help with bills and rent in Duval County
(813) 962-6611 offers an emergency and crisis assistance program for people facing short term hardships, such as an unexpected job loss or medical emergency. The Duval County branch assists local families and Jacksonville residents with programs including food, clothing, funds for paying utility bills, money for rent and security deposits and more. In addition, as funding allows on some occasions they can also provide transportation, free prescription drugs and other medicines and other basic needs are provided. There may be cases in which they just can’t help. In those times, referrals to other federal and Florida programs and other resources are provided to the person in need of help. Salvation Army programs are also in high demand during the holidays, and families can receive free food and gifts for their children. Also, case managers and social workers will work with applicants so that they can become self-sufficient by finding a job or increasing their income. Several different centers are located in Duval County.
(904)354-4846 They can help people of all faiths, and provide people in need with the basic needs necessary to pay bills, rent, and prevent homelessness. They have funds to deal with an applicants crisis situation, such as a job loss or medical emergency. Some of the assistance they offer can pay for rent or mortgages, utility bills, low cost food, as well as security and utility deposits. The Catholic Charities of Duval County provides some or more of the following to the needy. Apply for financial assistance with paying rent, utility bills, and medications. At the same time this process is ongoing, work with volunteers and case managers to access employment and job training services. Transportation and other aid may be distributed too.
is based in Jacksonville and can offer limited cash grants and financial assistance for paying rent and electric bills, typically $100 maximum. Also an on site food pantry is available. (904) 743-7402.
offers this program, which can offer rental assistance, money for paying utilities deposits or rental deposit, as well as cash for paying first month rent. (904) 398-7472.
may be able to help at-risk beach area residents. Services offered for residents include a food pantry, rent and utility bill assistance, and information on other Florida and federal government programs. (904) 241-2326.
Limited financial aid and a free food pantry is available for those who qualify. In addition, financial help for households with children, senior citizens and the elderly, or help is available for people with a documented disability or illness which prohibits work. Jacksonville Florida. 904-358-7955
Department of Family Services
Area Agency on Aging is located in Jacksonville Florida. (904)391-6600. The non-profit runs programs for senior citizens across the region. Some aid is directly provided, and other resources are referred too. Learn about food pantries, home delivered meals, government health care such as Medicaid, LIHEAP, and other supplemental services. |